An old saying is, “To err is human, but to crash takes a computer.” No one says that anymore. Computers don’t crash. Instead, an online service is “temporarily unavailable.” At one time, when you used a computer, you were called a “computer user.” This makes no sense now. Phone plans have us buying a new cell every two years. Have computers changed how we relate to people?
Loneliness is a growing problem, and it is easy to see why—social media and online gaming influence all our interactions. Our conversations are short, with issues being more important than getting to know people. Online shopping, too, is anonymous. We don’t know the people we buy from; shopping in a store can be a similar experience. “Perfect,” is the response from the cashier with a frozen smile as you tap your credit card. You could buy something there with the same routines and responses every week.
We used to get to know people in stores. We knew our neighbors, and the boss would chat about things that weren’t work-related. “Hi, how are you?” didn’t always have “fine” or “good” as an answer. People we didn’t know well might reply that things weren’t going well when asked. Then, concern would be shown, and a minute or two of time would be given. Now we see this happening:
1) a neighbor you have never met blames you for a problem
2) an online game starts with someone who only knows your game statistics
3) your boss only talks to you about your work
That neighbor’s problem needs solving, someone needs a good player, and the boss wants more or better work done. When everyone is online, neighbors are an afterthought, online games are anonymous, and the boss is too busy. The neighbor, the online player, and the boss are not interested in getting to know you. These are disposable relationships.
Computers model disposable relationships. Computers get used; only what they give us matters. That neighbor is now your problem; the online player has moved on to something else, and the boss keeps piling work up for you. There isn’t much you can do about this. When people know each other, changes can be made; there is more understanding and discussion. Now that we don’t try to get to know people, our feedback can be a nuisance because a decision usually gets taken without much debate. Besides, since these people don’t know you and their relationship with you could be temporary, what incentive do they have to consider your feelings? Problems get solved like a “buy now” button in a browser. Except you are that “buy now” button, your abilities, knowledge, and talent are a commodity, something bought or sold.
Knowing people and being known in return is vital and central to being human. Disposable relationships send this message: people exist only to meet needs. We didn’t come into this world to meet needs; we live and then have needs. Our existence is independent of our purpose in living. When we are treated like a commodity, everything that we are is reduced to whatever is needed. All other aspects of our lives are disregarded. To be valuable and essential as people, we must be known by others and not be reduced to being little better than machines performing a service.
Loneliness is the logical result of being an unknown person. This explains why people can feel lonely even when surrounded by people or interacting daily with others on social media. It is the quality of our relationships that matters. Are we known? Is there a connection between people where getting something is not the focus, and simply being with someone or sharing their life is all that is important? We need to be valued by others and by something more significant, by God as well. With God, we are loved not for what we do but simply because we exist. Being other people’s means to an end does not determine who we are.
Why not deeply share who you are with friends and even strangers? Might you consider becoming a Roman Catholic? Become passionate about what you believe about life, not issues, things, or the latest fads. In the Roman Catholic church, people from all walks of life, rich, poor, and different races from other countries share the same beliefs; permanent, face-to-face, genuine give-and-take relationships are all that matter. Feel free to comment. I look forward to hearing from you.