Have you ever been somewhere and found yourself instantly cringing? You don’t want to look around. Or maybe you do. Someone is yelling at the top of their lungs at someone speaking with a calm, rational voice. You can’t hear the person’s words, so you wonder how it will end. But it doesn’t end, and the quiet person is not being listened to. So it’s your turn to do something: exit the store.
What never used to happen happens anywhere, anytime these days. The evidence is in the store signs that have popped up: “Politeness is expected from our service personnel and appreciated by our customers.” Politeness. Where did it go? Now that we have a taste of that hard life described in Twentieth Century history books, just this one major stressor, the pandemic, is enough for us.
Maybe we have been spoiled by our pre-pandemic prosperity and lack of serious social problems. At other times in human history, people weren’t as civilized as you might expect. There are holdovers from more violent times that seem quaint to us now. Before the pandemic, we used to shake hands with people we didn’t know. Why did we do that when it transfers viruses and bacteria? At one time, shaking hands was a way to show a stranger that you were unarmed. The same idea is seen in nineteenth-century beer steins with their glass bottoms. At a tavern full of people just passing through, you were most vulnerable when you raised your glass to take a drink. A glass bottom lets you watch the people you are drinking with.
Life was easy for us, and we were used to it pre-pandemic. Now, we need a game plan to play catchup. We have all heard of irate airline passengers and upset fast-food customers who are incoherent with rage. Service personnel can’t always predict how customers will behave. So, to avoid conflict, they constantly try to anticipate problems and smooth out even the most minor difficulties with all their customers.
Unscrupulous people can take advantage of anxious service personnel by making unreasonable demands. A vicious circle can ensue where service providers constantly promise better service while customers expect more. Beyond getting what each party wants, the customer wishes extraordinary service levels; service personnel want smooth transactions. In some situations, neither party treats the other like human beings with legitimate needs like respect and caring. Some customers treat salespeople like dispensers, and their salespeople might return the favor by acting like pre-programmed machines.
It’s not just store owners and customers who can be in difficulty. For our safety, we wonder why people are going to extremes, too. Why are there people engaging in road rage, leaving the scene of a traffic accident, bullying people they don’t know, and even becoming white supremacists or terrorists?
It’s a known fact that anyone can develop eccentricities and bad habits. Lonely people become alienated from society when they don’t receive feedback from others about their behavior and attitudes. Lacking feedback, social skills can deteriorate, and an isolated person can gradually become anti-social. Our leaders in society can use intervention strategies, police, psychologists, and more public awareness to identify and treat these people. But a better plan is to nip these problems in the bud before they are allowed to fester. There is only one way to do that, and everyone needs to be involved.
What we can do is look out for each other. We need to get to know and care about our neighbors to fix this problem. This takes time. If you want to do your part, try conversing with a neighbor you would never be friends with. Please don’t talk about social issues, like who has been canceled or what some celebrity said or did. Instead, get to know this person by asking questions like where they were born, what they do for a living, and their hobbies. Then, allow them to ask you the same questions. If you do this often enough, you might start to care about this person, and their welfare and happiness will matter to you. And maybe one less person will be tempted to go to extremes because of loneliness and alienation.
Better still, embark on a relationship with millions of people who believe some or even all of the things I have written about here. Investigate becoming a Roman Catholic. Please comment below.